Moving Out, Up, and On

I will be in my new apartment in just under three weeks. No lie. I haven’t felt this much stress in a while. It’s going to be a huge adjustment. It’ll be a new state. I’ll experience new ways of living including trading my car for a life of public transportation and living solo in my own apartment for the first time. I’ll have new relationships, new friends, new confidants, new church home. All the while I’m experiencing a new me. It’s new everything.

I am scared. I am excited. I am hopeful.

I’m scared because I’m going alone. On one hand I have unbelievable support coming from all sides, from my family, from my friends here, there, and everywhere. But on the other hand is this reality: when the moving truck’s empty, and I go to bed that night, I won’t wake up to any faces I saw the day before. Each move, no matter how well supported, comes with its own degree of loneliness. This will likely be the loneliest. In addition to moving I’m unsettled because I don’t have a job lined up. I’m not overly concerned about it, but until I have one and know I can pay the bills, and that I can get to and from there without a car, I won’t be at ease.

I’m excited to change my driver’s license. Many of you know I still have my Florida license with my adorable little 17-year old face on it. After four years straight in Illinois, you think I would have changed it, but I never felt like this was home. This summer I was in Minneapolis for 24 hours and was already thinking, “I could see myself settling down here.” Something there compels me. It’s an external call. It’s something I can’t show you, but I can feel. I’m excited for the friends I’ve met, and the hopes they have for life. I’m excited for music, art, and culture. I’m excited to see what it means for God to work through me in this new stage of my life (which will some day be its own post). I’m excited for life that is truly life.

I’m hopeful because from the time Minneapolis became an option, it felt right. Everything felt right. Even not taking the worship leading job I was offered felt right. This summer I unexpectedly found myself in situations that beat in sync with my heart; my heart found things I inherently knew existed, but had never experienced. And if that happened a few times over a few months, how much more if I chase this thing down?

On top of all that, I need this. For my own maturation. I need to risk, challenge myself, work hard to make it happen, and enjoy the successes and disappointments of the adventure. I desire to increase my capacity for joy and pain, because life gets harder and I’ve had it pretty easy thus far. Ultimately I want this to better prepare me for what I hope to begin during this next phase – a family.

Things From My Summer

I’m sitting out on my balcony in Chicagoland after an entire summer in Minneapolis/St. Paul. I find myself wanting to write about it, but it feels like so much happened that it’s impossible to put to words eloquently. So, how about I just throw some things out there? I’d love to talk about any or all of these more in depth if you ask. And I hope you ask.

Things From This Summer

• I like to look entirely put together, even when I’m not.
• I never intended to settle in Illinois.
• Am I running from something, running to something, or both?
• If you feel stuck, always look at the third option.
• Move in the direction of your resistance.
• When talking hurts, that’s vulnerability.
• I am a professional performer, but there’s a time and place for that.
• My past inevitably impacts my present.
• It’s not all about me.
• I confuse arrogance and confidence, and spend time on both sides.
• If I actually am the kind of person I don’t want to be, what’s so bad about admitting that?
• My faith and my identity are painfully woven together.
• I really do enjoy people, and I need them.
• I don’t have a problem striving for perfection; my issue is I think I’ve already attained it.
• I have control issues, mostly related to fear.
• Giving away control isn’t the solution; not taking control in the first place is.
• There’s emotional scarring from my past relationships that I don’t know what to do with.
• Asking questions doesn’t make me a heretic; it only makes me feel like one.
• Fear has many faces, most of them aren’t scary.
• Finishing my M.Div has been very anti-climactic. I don’t know what to do with that.
• How heavy is a glass of water? Depends how long I hold it.
• There are so many amazing people in the world.
• Life and love can and should be chased, not waited for.
• My voice and God’s voice can sound strikingly similar, which can be terrifying.
• I don’t know how to interact well on a spiritual level with people who will never believe what I believe.
• I don’t have this whole faith thing nailed down.
• Hope.
• There are many different ways to communicate; all of them are art.

PA System :: For Sale :: $500

I love this PA setup. It’s seen more time in-house than on the road, but it’s always been loud enough for every gig. I don’t play out anymore, and I’m moving out of state into a smaller place. I would love to see her go to a great new home. $300 for each piece, or $500 for the package.

Peavey xr560 Powered Mixer – $300
5 XLR or 1/4″, 1 stereo 1/4″ or RCA
200W at 4 ohms
7-band output EQ (with peak lights – great for killing feedback)
Includes digital reverb (add foot switch for on/off during performance)
15V phantom power
Each channel has a monitor and effects send, 2-band EQ

Pair of Peavey PR10 speakers (w/stands and cables!) – $300
These speakers kill.
They have a super clear sound and are very light-weight.

The whole system will easily fit in back/trunk of a compact car, with an acoustic. Singer-songwriter types or small bands, (I used this in my punk band) you’ve got your gig in a box. I’d say it’s the best sounding, most portable setup you can achieve short of a Bose L1 system. And it’s all yours.

lugo.dan (at) gmail.com

Christian Cultural Identity & Broken Mirrors

If I were wrapped up in my Christian identity, I don’t know how much of a problem that would be. But I’m wrapped up in my cultural Christian identity.

What’s the difference? Having grown up Roman Catholic, participating in Evangelical ministries (i.e. Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Campus Crusade for Christ), going to a Baptist affiliated college and seminary, hanging with charismatics of all types, having worked at a Reformed church, and now exploring faith with Christian liberals, I feel lost in the milieu. And those are all American Christians, not to mention global expressions of Christian faith. (A conversation with Norwegian Christians about Christians and non-Christians dating illumined me to a new, curious world of cultural Christian identity.)

I had a British professor’s wife tell me this story:

I remember I was in England at a Christian women’s conference with both American and English women. The American women showed up and were shocked and appalled that all the British women were drinking beer! That was unthinkable for American Christians! [I'm not sure what denomination this was.] What the Americans didn’t realize is that they were equally as offensive to the Brits, because the Americans were all wearing make-up, which was something the British women would not even consider!

I had to laugh at this scenario, because it’s just funny that different expressions of the same faith can be so shocking. Yet there they were, appalled sisters in Christ, standing face-to-face at an arm’s length.

There’s something about faith that makes it a dangerous thing. It’s hard for me to say this so shortly, because it comes with a lot of back-story that would take too many pages to explore. In short, I have identified my Christianity with certain cultural expressions of the faith, and as I compare my present faith with varied expressions, just as Christian, I find myself wondering what I’ve got “right” and what I might have wrong.

It’s more than theology I’m playing with. That would be easy, detached even. Ideas can be changed. But faith isn’t ideas. Faith is a verb, in that it requires knowledge of, assent to, and living into something. My faith has become the foundation of my life, so as I am dismantling my faith to be rebuilt I am, in effect, dismantling me. I am the one who is changing, not my faith. And that’s a scary thing. Changing a foundation beneath a building is never done. The building will fall. That must be why it’s so hard for me to consider these things. I won’t be unchanged. That’s scary. Dangerous even.

But there is also something about faith that is beautiful. Right now I’m learning to balance the danger and the beauty. Changing metaphors, it’s like handling shards of a broken mirror. It helps me see who I am, if imperfectly, a little better. I’m not really sure which piece goes where, and the more I rearrange the more I feel hurt by it for different reasons. It cuts. I recoil. And I can imagine people saying, “Don’t do that!” as if I don’t know what I’m doing, or trying to do. It’s hard not to, though, to play with the glass. There’s so much beautiful about it. Danger. And beauty.

I’m not sure how much I’ll explore my wonderings via blog, but there’s a small glimpse into what I’m thinking about these days. Any of this resonate with you?

Sit In My Ears

People often ask, “Who do you listen to?” I usually give them a blank stare. It’s not because I don’t know what I’m listening to. Okay, maybe that’s part of it. But it’s more like I listen to so much new music with such frequency that I can’t keep up. I can’t even think of who I’m listening to.

So this morning I’ve set my “Recently Added” (last 4 weeks) iTunes playlist on random, and since I’m loving it so much I want to invite you into my ears. Listed below is what you would hear if you were sitting inside my eardrums. Recline on the waxy build-up and enjoy the sweet, sweet melodies of:

Graham Colton – Twenty-Something EP and Pacific Coast Eyes
Remember how excited you were when Jon McLaughlin came out with Indiana? That’s the kind of excitement you should feel for Graham Colton. Rachael recommended this guy to me, and I am in her debt for treating my piano-based pop-rock deficiency. (She does have a nutritionist background, after all.) Also, I really enjoyed the end of the first single’s video.

Madi Diaz – Daytrotter Studio 6/23/2011*
How do you get over a celebrity crush? You don’t. You just go with it. I fell in love with Madi Diaz’s voice during last year’s Ten Out of Tenn** tour and haven’t looked back since, except to swoon. Ten Gun Salute is a fantastic EP with heart-melting vocals and jealousy-inducing harmonies. If you’re not ready to commit, take this Daytrotter session on a date, and I’m pretty sure you’ll like it, and maybe even put a ring on it.

*If you’re not a Daytrotter fan yet, you should be. New, free, stripped down sets by amazing artists everyday? Yes please. And the iPad/iPhone app is wonderful!
**You need to catch this tour if at all possible!

McKenna – Slow Reminder
It’s chill. It’s acoustic. It’s got nice harmonies. It’s working for me. And if you like Josh Radin, I think it’ll work for you too.

Clarensau – Until Our Lungs Give
As much as I love good production, I love albums that don’t use loops and huge drums. This album is simple enough, but their harmonies hook me. They remind me a bit of Jenny & Tyler, which is a good thing.  Clarensau calms me, and sometimes makes me rock back and forth in a funtastic groove that makes the folks around me in the coffee shop wonder, “What’s that guy listening to?” Well, coffee shop folk, it’s Clarensau.

Josh Garrels – Love & War & The Sea In Between
It’s hard to know exactly what to say about Josh Garrels, except that if you haven’t heard of him, you may hear of him very soon. It’s singer-songwriter, but it’s got elements of hip-hop and ambient rock. The album deserves the attention it’s getting. I was given some of his music by my friend Jordan, and haven’t yet thanked him for that. (Thanks, Jordan!) This latest album has already in a few short weeks achieved tens of thousands of downloads from NoiseTrade.com, and may become a 2011 top gourmet album on Under the Radar. Go get it!

Local Natives – Daytrotter Studio 7/26/2010**
The real question here is why I don’t own LN’s Gorilla Manor. Ian posted a video of theirs on my wall, and there was no looking back. I created a Pandora station with them on the front-lines and it has not steered me wrong. Their harmonies, percussion, and guitars just draw me right in. (If you like what you hear, also check out AgesandAges below, and The Head and the Heart.)

Josh Ritter – Daytrotter Session 4/12/2010
Ritter was named one of the “100 Greatest Living Songwriters” by Paste Magazine, and has also been acclaimed by one of my favorite songwriters, Andrew Peterson. It’s not run-of-the-mill, manufactured music. It’s intelligent, and the more you listen, I think you’ll like it even more. If you need an introduction, try on this Daytrotter session, then consider picking up the impressive So Runs the World Away.

Matt Moberg – Bravery Songs
This little gem came recommended by my friend Lindsay for his track “Minnesota Man,” since I am becoming a Minnesotan. Turns out he lives around Minneapolis area. I have yet to catch him live, but I appreciate the simple arrangements and slower tempo tunes.

Ages and Ages – Daytrotter Studio 6/24/2011
I’m not sure where I first heard of AgesandAges, but I latched right on to them. A little peppier than Local Natives, but displaying the same prowess for fun acoustic-styled instrumentation and lovable vocals, they make me want to pick up an egg-shaker and join the party. And if you prefer reading to listening, here you go.

Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues
I’m not exactly sure what I’d call Fleet Foxes as far as style. Ambient folk? If you’re a fan of sixties music and Mumford & Sons, you’ll be in good company. It’s ethereal, moving, passive yet active, poppy but original. It basically sits right in the tension of being not enough and just enough. I feel like I shouldn’t like it as much as I do, which may be the beauty of it. I like it, and I’m not exactly sure why. I wonder if you’d also not know why you like it. And maybe you’ll not know why you’re thanking me. But you will.

Nathan Angelo – Nathan Angelo (NoiseTrade Sampler)
I don’t like playing the comparison game, … okay, I do. I’d put this guy somewhere in the realm of Matt Wertz and Ben Rector (soulfulness), with a touch of Lee DeWyze (very accessible pop melodies). Anyone who can get me to groove is someone I’ll come back to again and again, and this guy does just that. Groove with me.

Melanie Penn – Wake Up Love (sampler)
If you’re a fan of all those Square Peg Alliance folk (Andy Osenga, Andrew Peterson, Jill Phillips, Andy Gullahorn, Ben Shive, Jeremy Casella… lots of musicians for you to check out), you’ll be down with Melanie Penn. Soothing vocals, airy production, and keen lyrics. If you like the EP, pick up the album!

The Riverside Worship Project – (So Sing)
“There’s a poor and faithful groom / proposing to a prostitute / He says, ‘Would you be my bride, beautiful?’ / What love is this that calls the broken ‘chosen ones’? ” – “What Love?” is my favorite track on this energetic, personal worship album. I really appreciate the drumming, and the simplicity of it. It’s nothing ground-breaking, but not everything has to be. The more I listen to it, the more I like it.

If you’ve found something you love, consider tweeting this page (tag @lugoslogos) or reposting on your Facebook!

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Lee DeWyze and Corey Crowder

Varsity Theater, Minneapolis, MN; June 22, $17

“Lee DeWyze – Wed”

It was posted on the marquis above Varsity Theater. I thought, “That’s tonight. Wait… that’s right now!” He comes up on my Pandora often enough. I really enjoy his folksy (apparently pre-Idol) songs. I figured it’d be worth the $17 for two acoustic artists. Well, it’s not the first time I’ve been wrong.

I don’t really want to review the show as much as I want to say how it made me feel. (This is my post-show therapy session. Please, sit in.)

Corey Crowder opened up, strumming a guitar and singing with another musician harmonizing and playing mandolin. They were likable enough, but they reminded me of a second pair of identical jeans: they’re comfortable and familiar, and I like them well enough, but they add nothing to my wardrobe. In fact, about 20 minutes in, I was ready to move on. The songs were solid, but there wasn’t much motion. I guess my taste has gotten a little more complex in the past few years; I may have enjoyed them 10 years ago. I heard one woman say, “I’d come see him again!” So they obviously weren’t bad. But it was also nothing I hadn’t heard before.

After that set I waited for Lee DeWyze, who apparently won American Idol in 2009. By the 200 or so people who showed up, I’m surprised he was a winner. He came out with a percussionist and a keyboardist. I feel like the band was the reason I was interested as long as I was, which was only about 30 of 66 minutes. His voice was good enough, and the melodies were fine. It was all pretty standard pop-rock, though. And the arrangements could have been much more interesting, though I loved the percussion. As it turns out, all my favorite songs were from DeWyze’s pre-Idol days. I’ve heard of that happening before, but now I’ve seen it.

Stage performance: Corey Crowder had a more engaging stage presence, but less interesting songs. DeWyze had more interesting songs, but lackluster presence. He admitted he’s not good at “coming up with funny shit to say between songs.” My first thought was, “Well, that’s just lazy.” Maybe that’s unfair, but I think if someone really wants to, they can make that happen, even if it’s canned (same thing every night). When I go to a show, I want to be engaged, and DeWyze didn’t deliver. I feel very detached from him. (Contrast with other more engaging, yet shamefully lesser-known artists I’ve seen recently: The Weepies, The Civil Wars, Ben Rector, even Minneapolis natives The May North and Alas Alas.) I’m sure I’m not his demographic (I think I was the only dude there who came alone), but I expect someone who comes off the “big stage” should be able to satisfy my common-man need for solid Wednesday night entertainment.

The worst part of all this? I wanted to see a good show! I was there and ready. All they had to do was roll in and deliver. I feel like Crowder did his best, and DeWyze? Honestly, I feel a little ripped off.

What would I tell these guys?

To Corey Crowder: I don’t know what your market is looking for, but you seem to be a good enough pop-country songwriter. I like your personality and your vibe, and that can actually carry you pretty far on stage. But mix it up musically. You strummed almost every song; finger pick a little, let the mandolin take it over, do an a capella duet, even for a verse. Drum on your guitar. I know you’re good enough. Put yourself in the audience’s place. As likable as you are, 40 minutes felt pretty long. Good move with the covers and the singing along.Keep working hard, I want to see you succeed.

To Lee DeWyze: Idol could be a great launch pad, but I feel like it was a landing strip. Work on your stage show. People obviously like your voice, and some connect with your songs. If you love your audience, like you say, show them through the hard work you put in your stage show. Then you won’t have to tell them you love them – they’ll just know. And I’m sure you don’t have the freedom to write like you used to, but I hope you can reach some place where your roots connect with your current talent and resources. I think there’s a lot inside, and I wonder what would happen if it had time to mature.

There’s a saying: “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.” I am the equivalent of a musical armchair quarterback. I admit that. This makes me want to get out and start writing and performing again. Why? Because $17 is a high price for boredom. And I can’t let myself do that to people.

Convergence

“He is still working to articulate his long-term desires, but he hopes the future involves art, mentoring, and redemption (and he’s open to ideas as to how those might fit best together).”

Those words round off an article about me leaving my church in search of something better. Not a “better church,” or something intrinsically, qualitatively better, but something better for me at this stage of life. The last three years of leading worship and ministering to college students have been great. I grew and learned a lot. There was a time and a place for all that. I did that time and spent that bread (right there with Kanye), and now… now? Now.

I think what I’ve been seeking, to some degree, is convergence. I would love for all the scattered pieces of my life to be drawn together into a singular, unified whole. It happened to some degree when I went to Judson to become a worship arts major. They wrapped my desire to study music, ministry, and communication into one amazing little package. That did me some serious good. From the article above it looks like I’m articulating a desire for that to happen again, only now I’m seeking to combine that once-created whole above with new elements: art, mentoring, and redemption.

What does that look like? I was hoping you could tell me. If not, no worries. We’ll explore together in a few more posts. If you can’t wait, and if you look real close, maybe this picture will both tide you over and inspire you.

Did you know? (Minneapolis/St. Paul)

I’ve witnessed a few oddities since moving to Minneapolis. First, our fridge was pre-stocked with a 40oz. … of ketchup. That was new. Second, I saw a woman walking over the Mississippi… with her cat. While those are more personal phenomenons, they still made me wonder, “What else is unique about these beautiful cities, separated mostly by a massive river? Here’s what I’ve found so far:

Did you know…

• Minneapolis has city wi-fi that can be accessed from anywhere? (With a paid subscription, of course.)
• There are about a billion coffee shops in the cities? (Overflow Espresso Cafe is my current fave.)
• There are more Somali in the twin cities than anywhere else in the U.S.?
• Minneapolis has been named the #1 bike-friendly city in the U.S., and even has a bike subscription program, Nice Ride?
• Minneapolis has been named by one source as the gayest city in the U.S.?
• The cities boast a vibrant art, music, and culture scene?
• Minneapolis tops a lot of “most _____” lists, including most hipster, most literate, and most bed-bugs?
• The cities have been described as a mullet? “Business in the front, party in the back.” (SP – MPLS, respectively)
• The Twins are at least as bad as the Cubs. (Feels like home.)
  

Welcome to Minneapolis – Video Blog

I moved! I have so much to say about the city so far, but that will have to wait a few days. As it stands I have very infrequent internet access, so I may have to draft some posts, upload them all, and schedule them to release one at a time. (Wow. Problem solved.)

The internship is going well after two days. I’m looking forward to getting deeper into it, and also checking out the cities!

If you’ve got a mosquito net instead of curtains, you might be a Minnesotan.